2 Minute Monologues for Women | "I Ate the Divorce Papers" by Gabriel Davis

I Ate the Divorce Papers (2 Minute Monologue)
Comedic monologue under 2 minutes from the play Goodbye Charles
by Gabriel Davis

I ate the divorce papers, Charles. I ate them with ketchup. You want me to get serious about our divorce? You always called our marriage a joke! Last week, I asked why you walked down the aisle with me and you said “for the exercise.” Ha, ha. That’s funny, Charles. I’m laughing, not crying. Ha, ha. I’m laughing because you’re about to give up on a woman who is infinitely lovable.

Just ask Paul who's loved me since eighth grade. Paul’s sent me over two hundred original love sonnets. Paul may be insane, but I would never ask him to sign his name to a piece of paper promising to just turn off his love. That’s what you’re asking of me. To sign away my right to your brown eyes, to your hands through my hair before bed...

So I’ve written you a sonnet. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate, rough winds do shake the darling buds of May and...” I’m not crying. I’m laughing. It’s all a big joke. I didn’t write that sonnet. Paul did. I think it’s good.

Why did I eat the divorce papers with ketchup? So I could stomach them! What I can’t stomach: losing you.

Monologue Categories: 2 minute monologues, monologues for women, contemporary monologues, monologues from plays, comedic monologues under two minutes, heartbroken monologues, relationship monologues, divorce monologues.

The I Ate the Divorce Papers monologue is from the play Goodbye Charles, available digitally (click here) and in print (click here)