2 Minute Monologues for Women | "Breaking Up with Brandon" by Gabriel Davis
Breaking Up with Brandon (2 Minute Monologue)
Comedic monologue from the play Unbearable Hotness
By Gabriel Davis
You sound just like Brandon. For two years, I beg him to transfer here, so we can be together. “Oh no” he says, “some of my credits won’t transfer over, I’ll have to spend an extra semester to catch up.” Then on his visit over winter break I introduce him to Marisa.
Suddenly, he's like “What’s one semester when I can be near you?” And he transferred. Then last night he was repeating her name in his sleep, “Marisa, oh, Marisa!” I wake him up, “What were you just dreaming about?” He says “Uh, nothing.” And I’m like, “it’s never going to happen.” And he’s like “what’s never going to happen?” And I’m like “Marisa! You and Marisa!” And he’s all “Why would I want to be with Marisa!? You and I are together.”
And I’m like “If we weren’t together, would you date her?” And he says, trying to act casual “I guess, I’d be open to it. Why? Did she say something about me?”
And I say “No! Did you not hear me when I said it’s never going to happen!?” And he’s all offended, “Well, ‘never’ is pretty harsh. I mean, I’m pretty good with the ladies.” And I’m like “Not from where I’m standing, buddy!” He goes, “So are you saying you want to break up?” Yeah, we broke up.
Monologue Categories: Breakup monologues, relationship monologues, dating monologues, young adult monologues, young women, comedic monologues for women from plays, contemporary, audition, competition, sarcastic and funny.
Suddenly, he's like “What’s one semester when I can be near you?” And he transferred. Then last night he was repeating her name in his sleep, “Marisa, oh, Marisa!” I wake him up, “What were you just dreaming about?” He says “Uh, nothing.” And I’m like, “it’s never going to happen.” And he’s like “what’s never going to happen?” And I’m like “Marisa! You and Marisa!” And he’s all “Why would I want to be with Marisa!? You and I are together.”
And I’m like “If we weren’t together, would you date her?” And he says, trying to act casual “I guess, I’d be open to it. Why? Did she say something about me?”
And I say “No! Did you not hear me when I said it’s never going to happen!?” And he’s all offended, “Well, ‘never’ is pretty harsh. I mean, I’m pretty good with the ladies.” And I’m like “Not from where I’m standing, buddy!” He goes, “So are you saying you want to break up?” Yeah, we broke up.
Monologue Categories: Breakup monologues, relationship monologues, dating monologues, young adult monologues, young women, comedic monologues for women from plays, contemporary, audition, competition, sarcastic and funny.
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Breaking up with Brandon (Female monologue about getting out of a toxic relationship)
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It's Terrible Being Nice (Female monologue about getting engaged)
I Kissed Marissa (Female monologue about kissing another girl)
Breaking up with Brandon (Female monologue about getting out of a toxic relationship)
I Ate the Divorce Papers (Female monologue; a 2-minute version of this old chestnut)
Latte Factor (Female monologue about how people treat baristas)
The Three of Us (Female monologue about convincing a fiance to let mommy move in)
26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy (Male monologue about getting a later life do-over on a failed Bar Mitzvah)
Puppy Room (Male monologue about reforming the prison system ... with puppies!)
Honey I'm a Leprechaun (Male monologue about a man's metamorphosis into leprechaun)
Fact Checker (Male monologue about a rational fact checker falling in love, despite all the facts that say he shouldn't)