Monologues for Men | "Wife Alert" by Gabriel Davis
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Bell Shaped Body
Comedic Female Monologue
by Gabriel Davis
I LOVE statistics and brownies. Because statistics help me eat brownies guilt free. In statistics, the average of any population is represented by a bell shaped curve. Which makes my bell shaped body average.
I always thought I was overweight. Until I took statistics! Statistically, I’m of average weight. That is to say, if the bell shaped body is the average american body, then I’m of average american weight. Those pompous thin fuckers are the OUTLIERS. They’re the weird ones, I’m the NORMAL one!
The bell shaped curve in statistics is called a NORMAL distribution. That makes the fat on my body normally distributed!!!
The images we see in magazines are a lie! Those people are freaks! Their skinny asses are hanging on the tails of the bell curve. But those statistically marginal buttheads have the nerve to call me overweight? Truth be told, they are statistically underweight! So yeah, I love statistics and brownies.
Want a bite?
I always thought I was overweight. Until I took statistics! Statistically, I’m of average weight. That is to say, if the bell shaped body is the average american body, then I’m of average american weight. Those pompous thin fuckers are the OUTLIERS. They’re the weird ones, I’m the NORMAL one!
The bell shaped curve in statistics is called a NORMAL distribution. That makes the fat on my body normally distributed!!!
The images we see in magazines are a lie! Those people are freaks! Their skinny asses are hanging on the tails of the bell curve. But those statistically marginal buttheads have the nerve to call me overweight? Truth be told, they are statistically underweight! So yeah, I love statistics and brownies.
Want a bite?