Monologues for men | "Good Humor Man" by Gabriel Davis
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Good Humor Man Monologue
Monologues for men
by Gabriel Davis
I'm not the kind of guy who would electrocute another guy. I believe in the golden rule, and that guy didn't do anything to me. So why did I electrocute him Joe? I'm a good guy. I bring ice cream to kids. I'm a Good Humor man, for Pete’s sake!
I wish I’d never joined that study on learning and memory at Yale. The add in the paper was so enticing; 4 dollars for an hour of my time. Why I’d have to sell 26 butterscotch sundaes to make 4 dollars in an hour!
They told me they wanted to study how punishment impacts a person’s ability to recall a sequence of word pairs. But what they really were studying was me. To see if I'd keep giving a person electric shocks if he failed a memory test. That was my job! 4 dollars for an hour to shock a man if he remembered a word pair wrong. Oh how I wish I’d taken that hour to aggressively sell butterscotch sundaes instead of … of …
The guy I electrocuted … a war veteran from West Haven … at the start of the study, he mentioned he had a minor heart condition, nothing to worry about, he said ... but ... knowing that, how could I keep pressing the button and shocking him? I could blame the experimenter. Every wrong answer I had to increase the punishment by 50 volts. As I got to 200 volts, the old veteran, he was located in the other room, he started to make these grunts, like “uhhh.” Sounded like he was in some pain over there. We’d better go check on him, I tell the experimenter. He says “you must continue.” I tell him I don’t want to continue if the guy is suffering. He says, “You have no choice.” But of course I had a choice. I always have a choice
When the punishments exceeded 300 volts and the man in the other room started screaming I asked, I demanded the experimenter stop and go check on him. But the experimenter said “Whether the learner likes it or not, you must go on until he has learned all the word pairs correctly.” I told the experimenter, we must stop, we could really cause some harm here. But the experimenter said that while the shocks might be painful, no permanent harm would be done.
I continued. At 350 volts the man I was shocking started banging on the walls. I told the experimenter I wouldn’t be responsible for something like this, if anything should happen to the man … but the experimenter said there was no danger and anyway, he was responsible, not me.
At 400 volts the man’s voice was loud and clear coming through the walls. He was yelling “let me out of here! I told you I have a heart condition and my heart is starting to bother me!” I stood up, I wouldn’t do this anymore. I told the experimenter he could keep his 4 dollars. He said the 4 dollars was mine, even if I quit.. but if I quit, it would ruin the experiment. He assured me everything was fine, to sit down. He seemed so calm, so sure of himself. Well, I didn’t want to ruin his experiment and he didn’t look worried at all …
I figured he’s in charge. He’s a Yale man and I’m just a Good Humor man. He would know, and what do I know? So I kept going up to the highest voltage 450 volts! The man in the other room wasn't making a sound now. I thought I might have killed him. An image of him slumped over in the other room consumed my imagination.
Then the experimenter tells me that the man is fine. He tells me about the true purpose of the study. They’re looking at how normal, decent people, like me can get involved in atrocities and war crimes. The man from the other room comes in all smiles and gives me a great big hardy hand shake. He tells me I did a great job. He’s fine. He’s fine! Oh, I felt so relieved.
I headed out, my four dollars in hand, and got into my truck. There was this incredible buzzing in my head and I found myself hungry, ravenous. I ate two butterscotch sundaes, a chocolate burst cone, and a couple dreamsicles. I felt so cold. No, Joe, not because of the ice cream. Because of what I’d done! I’d electrocuted a man, Joe. And all the push up pops in the world can’t push a man’s spirits back up after that.
And why? Because some Yale man told me to do it. Golly, Joe, its left me feeling chillier inside than all the frozen treats in the galaxy. A Good Humor man’s cold goodies are supposed to warm the hearts of children and families. But can mine still do the job?
Can I still ring my bell and wear the captains cap and suspenders of my trade? Do I still deserve to peddle Good Humor? I know … I know you just came to get your girls some strawberry shortcake bars … but before you buy them … I thought it only fair to tell you … who you’re buying them from.
Alright well … that’ll be 70 cents. Thanks Joe. You have a good day too.
Based on the historic Milgram Experiment held at Yale University in 1961. While the specific account above is fictionalized, it is meant to put the student/actor/performer into the shoes of a person participating in the experiment. Those wanting to research the social, historic "given circumstances" of the character need only google "Milgram Experiment". Suggest also searching for the documentary posted on YouTube.
I wish I’d never joined that study on learning and memory at Yale. The add in the paper was so enticing; 4 dollars for an hour of my time. Why I’d have to sell 26 butterscotch sundaes to make 4 dollars in an hour!
They told me they wanted to study how punishment impacts a person’s ability to recall a sequence of word pairs. But what they really were studying was me. To see if I'd keep giving a person electric shocks if he failed a memory test. That was my job! 4 dollars for an hour to shock a man if he remembered a word pair wrong. Oh how I wish I’d taken that hour to aggressively sell butterscotch sundaes instead of … of …
The guy I electrocuted … a war veteran from West Haven … at the start of the study, he mentioned he had a minor heart condition, nothing to worry about, he said ... but ... knowing that, how could I keep pressing the button and shocking him? I could blame the experimenter. Every wrong answer I had to increase the punishment by 50 volts. As I got to 200 volts, the old veteran, he was located in the other room, he started to make these grunts, like “uhhh.” Sounded like he was in some pain over there. We’d better go check on him, I tell the experimenter. He says “you must continue.” I tell him I don’t want to continue if the guy is suffering. He says, “You have no choice.” But of course I had a choice. I always have a choice
When the punishments exceeded 300 volts and the man in the other room started screaming I asked, I demanded the experimenter stop and go check on him. But the experimenter said “Whether the learner likes it or not, you must go on until he has learned all the word pairs correctly.” I told the experimenter, we must stop, we could really cause some harm here. But the experimenter said that while the shocks might be painful, no permanent harm would be done.
I continued. At 350 volts the man I was shocking started banging on the walls. I told the experimenter I wouldn’t be responsible for something like this, if anything should happen to the man … but the experimenter said there was no danger and anyway, he was responsible, not me.
At 400 volts the man’s voice was loud and clear coming through the walls. He was yelling “let me out of here! I told you I have a heart condition and my heart is starting to bother me!” I stood up, I wouldn’t do this anymore. I told the experimenter he could keep his 4 dollars. He said the 4 dollars was mine, even if I quit.. but if I quit, it would ruin the experiment. He assured me everything was fine, to sit down. He seemed so calm, so sure of himself. Well, I didn’t want to ruin his experiment and he didn’t look worried at all …
I figured he’s in charge. He’s a Yale man and I’m just a Good Humor man. He would know, and what do I know? So I kept going up to the highest voltage 450 volts! The man in the other room wasn't making a sound now. I thought I might have killed him. An image of him slumped over in the other room consumed my imagination.
Then the experimenter tells me that the man is fine. He tells me about the true purpose of the study. They’re looking at how normal, decent people, like me can get involved in atrocities and war crimes. The man from the other room comes in all smiles and gives me a great big hardy hand shake. He tells me I did a great job. He’s fine. He’s fine! Oh, I felt so relieved.
I headed out, my four dollars in hand, and got into my truck. There was this incredible buzzing in my head and I found myself hungry, ravenous. I ate two butterscotch sundaes, a chocolate burst cone, and a couple dreamsicles. I felt so cold. No, Joe, not because of the ice cream. Because of what I’d done! I’d electrocuted a man, Joe. And all the push up pops in the world can’t push a man’s spirits back up after that.
And why? Because some Yale man told me to do it. Golly, Joe, its left me feeling chillier inside than all the frozen treats in the galaxy. A Good Humor man’s cold goodies are supposed to warm the hearts of children and families. But can mine still do the job?
Can I still ring my bell and wear the captains cap and suspenders of my trade? Do I still deserve to peddle Good Humor? I know … I know you just came to get your girls some strawberry shortcake bars … but before you buy them … I thought it only fair to tell you … who you’re buying them from.
Alright well … that’ll be 70 cents. Thanks Joe. You have a good day too.
Based on the historic Milgram Experiment held at Yale University in 1961. While the specific account above is fictionalized, it is meant to put the student/actor/performer into the shoes of a person participating in the experiment. Those wanting to research the social, historic "given circumstances" of the character need only google "Milgram Experiment". Suggest also searching for the documentary posted on YouTube.