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2 Minute Monologues for Teens | "Not Impressed" by Gabriel Davis


Not Impressed (Teen Female Monologue)
Seriocomic monologue from the play Almost 16 by Gabriel Davis 

(Sarcastic slow clapping)  Thank you thank you. Thank you so much for serenading me with that wonderfully creative song that you’ve crafted about me for me. I feel seen, you get me.

Yes I have a good sized fannie. I have a little junk in the trunk, I’m real, I’m not going to be ashamed of my body. Honestly, you guys shouldn’t be either. Your boyfriend gives you Mr. Goodbars because he knows that’s the kind you love. The only thing that’s evil is you can’t take a bite in front of these girls without feeling ashamed. The strong thing isn’t the self denial. The strong thing, the brave thing would be to take a bite. None of you can but you’re all dying to bite the candy. What if right now you all pulled out the candy bars you’re pretending aren’t in your backpacks and just gorged on them. Wouldn’t you feel liberated? What’s the worst that would happen? Some sophomore girls would make a snide remark while actually eating their hearts out? After which, life would go on and then what? Would you die a thousand deaths from a few candy bars a week? No, You’d probably just feel a little more comfortable sitting here on your slightly more cushioned behinds. That’s all. I can’t live a life in denial. I choose to bite the good bite, I choose to bite the Goodbar! 

And yes I have a normal amount of hair, which I shave a normal amount. But I don’t hardly ever wax, I rarely tweeze because ... well... life is really short! There is a vast number of incredible shows to binge and countless brilliant pieces of literature to get lost in. None of which I can do if I spend all my available time surveying myself for rogue hair follicles. So Did you maybe notice a little stubble on my legs in gym class a few times. Definitely! Will you again? Hell yeah! Because I choose to be literate not hairless. Because I choose to binge watch not binge wax!

I know I’m supposed to want to impress y’all. But I don’t know ... maybe it’s that I’m older and wiser, maybe that extra year of circle time in kindergarten gave me a more secure foundation, I don’t know, but .. I’m just finding it hard to want to impress a group of girls who are so profoundly unimpressive.
-------------------------------END MONOLOGUE-----------------------------
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​Related Monologues:  Almost 16, Candy Girl, Pinball Eyes, Scared Popular

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