Contemporary Monologues for Audition and Competition
Monologues, wherefore art thou?
Hi, I'm Gabriel Davis creator of Monologue Genie - a website designed to help you find great audition monologues fast.
Why did I create such a website? Because, basically, I feel your pain. Before earning my MFA in Playwriting from Carnegie Mellon School of Drama, I was an acting major and I can't begin to tell you how many hours I spent searching through monologue books for the right material. If only finding great audition pieces had been as easy as rubbing a magic lamp. Hopefully, with me on your side to help, it can be!
Peruse the monologue categories below to find the perfect monologue for you. Happy hunting!
Why did I create such a website? Because, basically, I feel your pain. Before earning my MFA in Playwriting from Carnegie Mellon School of Drama, I was an acting major and I can't begin to tell you how many hours I spent searching through monologue books for the right material. If only finding great audition pieces had been as easy as rubbing a magic lamp. Hopefully, with me on your side to help, it can be!
Peruse the monologue categories below to find the perfect monologue for you. Happy hunting!
Monologue of the Month: Legally Santa
written by Gabriel Davis
performed by Jean-Pierre Yerma
Legally Santa
A comedic monologue for men
written by Gabriel Davis
(A man who looks a lot like Santa stands in a courtroom and addresses the judge)
Your honor, I see you’ve rejected my application to legally change my name to Santa.
Ever since my hair went white, I get the Santa references. The Santa jokes.
It’s super great. Opens a ton of doors.
Like on my last job interview. It was a shipping company. I sit down. The hiring manager’s first question: “So how do you think working for the Red Cross has prepared you for this role?” I answer, “that’s not on my resume. Where do you see that?” He says, “Staring back at me. But I think working for charities is great! We need more folks like you, out there ringing those bells to save the children or whatever you did in your last job.” To which I reply “Well in my last job, I was a Dispatcher Supervisor for UPS.” And he says “Well that seems like a waste. We need you out there on the front lines, delighting families by showing up in person with their packages. Every delivery will feel like Christmas.”
And he hired me on the spot. Not for the manager/dispatcher role I’d applied. But hey, a job’s a job.
And he was right. People are delighted when I bring them packages. I get a lot of “Wouldn’t you prefer to drop this down my chimney?” type jokes. One woman actually offered me cookies. She also called me Santa and told me what her little boy wanted for Christmas. She went so far as to hand me a list, so I tell her, “look, lady I guess somehow you’ve made it this far in life without realizing Santa’s not .... “ and as I’m about to say it I look down and see her little boy peering out from behind her leg, so I adjust and spell it “R E A L”. He looked to be not even 3. Who would have guessed he can spell? So the kid starts balling. The mother’s face turns red and she’s all “You monster.” I say “I’m sorry, but you should be proud. Your child is a genius.” She says “Yes, he takes after his father, who left us.” That’s when the little boy wipes his tears and says “But you’re father Christmas, right?” So I say “Right.”
Well one thing led to another with that situation and I married that woman and we kept up the lie, for the sake of her little boy. He thinks his dad is Santa. Plus my new bride likes to make references like “come down my chimney Santa” and “tell me I’m on your naughty list Santa” and so forth.
So yeah, um your honor, the little tyke is starting to get older. He’s gonna be reading soon! And if he gets a look at my license and it doesn’t say Santa on it. Well we’re gonna break that little boys heart. Aren’t we, your honor?
END OF MONOLOGUE
Looking for more performances of Legally Santa and other monologues? Check out Jean-Pierre's YouTube Channel!
A comedic monologue for men
written by Gabriel Davis
(A man who looks a lot like Santa stands in a courtroom and addresses the judge)
Your honor, I see you’ve rejected my application to legally change my name to Santa.
Ever since my hair went white, I get the Santa references. The Santa jokes.
It’s super great. Opens a ton of doors.
Like on my last job interview. It was a shipping company. I sit down. The hiring manager’s first question: “So how do you think working for the Red Cross has prepared you for this role?” I answer, “that’s not on my resume. Where do you see that?” He says, “Staring back at me. But I think working for charities is great! We need more folks like you, out there ringing those bells to save the children or whatever you did in your last job.” To which I reply “Well in my last job, I was a Dispatcher Supervisor for UPS.” And he says “Well that seems like a waste. We need you out there on the front lines, delighting families by showing up in person with their packages. Every delivery will feel like Christmas.”
And he hired me on the spot. Not for the manager/dispatcher role I’d applied. But hey, a job’s a job.
And he was right. People are delighted when I bring them packages. I get a lot of “Wouldn’t you prefer to drop this down my chimney?” type jokes. One woman actually offered me cookies. She also called me Santa and told me what her little boy wanted for Christmas. She went so far as to hand me a list, so I tell her, “look, lady I guess somehow you’ve made it this far in life without realizing Santa’s not .... “ and as I’m about to say it I look down and see her little boy peering out from behind her leg, so I adjust and spell it “R E A L”. He looked to be not even 3. Who would have guessed he can spell? So the kid starts balling. The mother’s face turns red and she’s all “You monster.” I say “I’m sorry, but you should be proud. Your child is a genius.” She says “Yes, he takes after his father, who left us.” That’s when the little boy wipes his tears and says “But you’re father Christmas, right?” So I say “Right.”
Well one thing led to another with that situation and I married that woman and we kept up the lie, for the sake of her little boy. He thinks his dad is Santa. Plus my new bride likes to make references like “come down my chimney Santa” and “tell me I’m on your naughty list Santa” and so forth.
So yeah, um your honor, the little tyke is starting to get older. He’s gonna be reading soon! And if he gets a look at my license and it doesn’t say Santa on it. Well we’re gonna break that little boys heart. Aren’t we, your honor?
END OF MONOLOGUE
Looking for more performances of Legally Santa and other monologues? Check out Jean-Pierre's YouTube Channel!
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