Monologues for Men | "Killing Chuck" by Gabriel Davis

Killing Chuck
A comedic male monologue from the play Unbearable Hotness
by Gabriel Davis

I just fuckin’ killed Chuck. I think. I mean, he’s just laying out there.  He's not moving.  I don't think he's breathing.

I mean, there I was just up on the roof with Marissa – talking, laughing, having a great time. I tell her she reminds me of Sandra Bullock. I tell her I loved “Hope Floats.” Who knew those would be the magic words? Next thing I know her clothes are off and we’re loosening roof shingles like there’s no tomorrow. And then there’s biting and kissing and touching and suddenly someone starts beating on me, I mean, just pounding on me and growling. Yeah, growling. And I look up and there’s Chuck. And I’m like, “What’s the problem?” and he says “The problem is, dude, you’re fucking my girlfriend.” 

So I look at Marissa and I’m like “You’re someone’s girlfriend?” And she says “No.” Then it comes out Chuck just wishes she’s his girlfriend but actually she’s his cousin or something, so he’s got these feelings of guilt about wanting her...and then he starts crying. 

So that ruined the mood. Marissa puts her clothes on, and she goes back down through the window, back into the party. And I’m left with Chuck. Blubbering, whining, crying Chuck. 

And he starts in on how he’s just this total fuck up and maybe he should just throw himself off the roof. And for a split second I’m thinking “YES! Throw yourself off the roof! Do it!” But I don’t say that. I say I “You’re gonna get a girl, buddy, just maybe not your cousin, huh?” And then I give him a friendly pat on the back. A nice manly slap on the back. And he looked heavy, I mean, who knew he’d go flying.

Who knew he’d go flying right off the roof?



This monologue is from the play Unbearable Hotness, available in print and digital editions.

Guide to the play is featured on Stage Agent!

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MONOLOGUES


Men's
Frightening Wonderful Thing
Killing Chuck
Nice Catch Chuck
The Fact Checker
Honey I'm a Leprechaun
26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy
The Cheese Robber
Basketball Therapy
Unhandy Man
Maddie's Dad
The Cheerios War
Grow Up Humanity
The Burger Addict
Cat Mozart
Road to Ruin; Paved with Kittens
Love Sick
Hungry Yuppies
Indestructible Super Puppies 
My Dad's so Uncool ..
Saint Peter the Cheater
Sleeping with Sleep
Licensed to Fart 

Women's
I Ate the Divorce Papers
It's Terrible Being Nice
Serial Dater
Switching Sides

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