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Monologues for women | "Coffee Slave" by Gabriel Davis

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Coffee Slave
A comedic female monologue
From the one act play Hello, Goodbye, Peace
by Gabriel Davis

Picture
Have you ever heard the term "latte factor"?   It means being destitute at retirement age because you bought too many lattes.  But I think it's not an all inclusive definition.  Latte factor should also refer to the factor of humanity that is lost in the ordering of the lattes. Do you know what I mean?

I want to change the world!  I want all humankind to work as one team.  I want poverty and hunger to be but a dream.  But I don't want to be disappointed.  And after all, those are very big things.  And I don't want to change myself.  I'm just not the introspective type.
And I'm also perfect.  No I just want to change you.  Because if everyone like me changed someone like you   We could all be globally perfect too!

I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist.  I don't like words that end in ist.  Fascist, racist, sadist.  You may be all of those things, I don't know, I don't know you that well.  I just know that the way you ordered your latte tells me you think very little of me.  That you've dehumanized me. This is just an impersonal transaction and I'm nothing more than an espresso making machine to you.

But am I not human?  If you cut me, would I not bleed espresso?  No, I wouldn't, I'd bleed real blood.  Duh.  So when you order your double cap whip frappe the least you can do is start by looking me in the eyes and say "hi, how are you?"
"Good thanks and you?"
"Good."
There, that isn't so hard, right?   Then you can tell me what you'll have.

You want to talk with my manager?  Well I want to talk to the High Commissioner for Human Rights at the U.N. and report you for crimes against humanity.  But we don't always get what we want.  Also I'm the manager here.  The store manager, and today happens to be my last day.

Oh I'm going to work on Wall Street as a portfolio manager.  I figure the first step in changing the system is climbing to the top of it.
Here's your coffee.


This monologue is from the play Hello, Goodbye, Peace available in print and digital editions here.    Watch the opening scene of Hello, Goodbye, Peace below.  Find the "Coffee Slave" monologue at a minute thirty seconds into the video.

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