Monologues for women | "Cranky Wife" by Gabriel Davis
Cranky Wife Monologue
Monologues for women
by Gabriel Davis
You've done it again, you've kept me up past midnight!
You know I change from happy wife to gremlin wife after mid night!
It's because you're a chatty husband! When I said during dinner at 6:45pm "Tell me about your day" that was not an invitation to give me a detailed play by play of every incident, every minuscule thought that crossed your mind between the time you left home until you arrived back.
And don't say I'm being dramatic. I'm not alone here. Globally people report they are not well rested from their late teens through their forties. I'm part of an international epidemic! And I'm pretty sure chatty husbands like you are causing it!
I mean, I don't have the data to support that, but my gut tells me that guys like you going blah blah blah, wah wah wah all night long are keeping us all awake way past our bed times and making us globally cranky. And when we're cranky we make bad decisions and when we make bad decisions the whole world suffers from wars and famine and all because you can't shut up!
So please, please I'm asking you on behalf of all tired and cranky people everywhere, next time we ask you "How was your day", provide a brief sound bite between thirty seconds to a minute preferably. Then make some god damned chamomile tea for us and put us the fuck to bed.
You know I change from happy wife to gremlin wife after mid night!
It's because you're a chatty husband! When I said during dinner at 6:45pm "Tell me about your day" that was not an invitation to give me a detailed play by play of every incident, every minuscule thought that crossed your mind between the time you left home until you arrived back.
And don't say I'm being dramatic. I'm not alone here. Globally people report they are not well rested from their late teens through their forties. I'm part of an international epidemic! And I'm pretty sure chatty husbands like you are causing it!
I mean, I don't have the data to support that, but my gut tells me that guys like you going blah blah blah, wah wah wah all night long are keeping us all awake way past our bed times and making us globally cranky. And when we're cranky we make bad decisions and when we make bad decisions the whole world suffers from wars and famine and all because you can't shut up!
So please, please I'm asking you on behalf of all tired and cranky people everywhere, next time we ask you "How was your day", provide a brief sound bite between thirty seconds to a minute preferably. Then make some god damned chamomile tea for us and put us the fuck to bed.