Find us on
Monologue Genie
  • Home
  • Monologues
    • Female Monologues
    • Male Monologues
    • 2 Minute Monologues >
      • 2 Minute Terrible Being Nice Monologue
      • 2 Minute 26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy Monologue
      • 2 Minute Monologue Latte Factor
      • 2 Minute Ate the Divorce Papers Monologue
      • 2 Minute I Kissed Marisa Monologue
      • 2 Minute Breaking Up with Brandon Monologue
      • 2 Minute Fact Checker Monologue
      • 2 Minute Honey I'm a Leprechaun Monologue
      • 2 Minute Quiche isn't Sexy Monologue
      • 2 Minute Puppy Room Monologue
      • 2 Minute Three of Us Monologue
    • 1 Minute Monologues
    • Monologues from Plays FEMALE
    • Monologues from Plays MALE
    • Monologues For Teens
    • Monologue Recommendations >
      • Monologues For Men
      • Monologues For Women
      • Comedic Monologues
    • All Monologues >
      • Ate Divorce Papers Monologue
      • Its Terrible Being Nice Monologue
      • Hit and Run Monologue
      • Serial Dater Monologue
      • Switching Sides Monologue
      • Conjugal Connections Monologue
      • Turkey Day Monologue
      • Yoga Fart Monologue
      • Fire the Boys Monologue
      • New Year's Wish
      • Namaste Bitch
      • Quiche isn't Sexy
      • The Matzah Thief Monologue
      • Un-Chatty Cathy Monologue
      • Death by Peanut Monologue
      • Deafening Applause Monologue
      • Surrender My Love Monologue
      • Space is Nicer than Here Monologue
      • 12 Years Wise
      • My Father's Blue Eyes Monologue
      • Breaking Up with Brandon Monologue
      • I Kissed Marisa Monologue
      • I'm More Man than You Monologue
      • Almost 16 Monologue
      • Flunking Yoga Monologue
      • I Meditate Wrong Monologue
      • The Farting Yogi
      • Coffee Slave Monologue
      • Miss Havisham
      • The Gratitude List
      • Secret Identity
      • Secret Identity (Extended Version)
      • Always Smiling Monologue
      • There's No Place Like Oz Monologue
      • My Tattoo
      • Art Schooled Monologue
      • Don't Blame the Muse Monologue
      • Cranky Wife Monologue
      • A Good Pudding Monologue
      • Sleepless in Sukhasana
      • Welcome to FLY Yoga
      • Naked Barbies Monologue
      • Ken Doll Theft Monologue
      • Bell Shaped Body Monologue
      • Recess Monologue
      • Supreme Leader
      • The Roadrunner Never Looks Down Monologue
      • Most Frightening Wonderful Thing Monologue
      • Killing Chuck Monologue
      • 26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy Monologue
      • Fact Checker Monologue
      • Honey, I'm a Leprechaun Monologue
      • The Cheese Robber Monologue
      • Best Lazyboy in the Galaxy Monologue
      • Nice Catch Chuck Monologue
      • White Whale of Hotness Monologue
      • Unhandy Man Monologue
      • Maddie's Dad Monologue
      • The Cheerios War Monologue
      • Grow Up Humanity Monologue
      • The Burger Addict
      • Cat Mozart Monologue
      • Road to Ruin; Paved with Kittens
      • Love Sick Monologue
      • Hungry Yuppies Monologue
      • Basketball Therapy Monologue
      • Indestructible Super Puppies Monologue
      • Good Humor Man Monologue
      • My Dad's so Uncool its Cool Monologue
      • We're All Kings Monologue
      • Saint Peter the Cheater
      • Sleeping with Sleep Monologue
      • Wife Alert Monologue
      • Pretty Lies Monologue
      • Santa Monologue
      • Secret Identity (Extended Version)
      • Teen Monologues - Pinball Eyes
      • Teen Monologues - Scared Popular
      • Teen Monologues - Not Impressed
      • Teen Monologues - Candy Girl
      • Save this Divorce
      • Mission to Prom Monologue
      • Hungry Elsa Monologue
      • 85th Asana Monologue
      • The Three of Us Monologue
      • I Hate the Divorce Papers Monologue
      • This Anomaly Monologue
      • The Metta Tater
  • More Stuff
    • Monologue Writing 101
    • Monologue Catalogue
    • Monologue Books
    • Monologue Performances
    • Magic Carpet
    • Contact

Female Monologue: Switching Sides

Picture
Comedic Female Monologue from the play Unbearable Hotness
By Gabriel Davis

​
(Monologuist addresses her friend, Marci)


(Speaks quickly)  Listen, Marisa…I’m -I have to- I know I’ve been a bitch to you since I found out about your -about- I think it’s okay -My minds changed -being gay's okay -in fact your choice is…Well… this is all Brandon’s fault.  I had this dream last night.  This awful horrible…a vision, it was more of a vision -at least that’s what I thought -last night.  I woke up in a cold sweat thinking about Brandon.  I knew I had to break it off.  Cause what he wanted -I couldn’t give -I can’t be what he wants.  I can’t.  

He wants me to cut my hair -to lose ten pounds.  Last night, we’re making love -first off, he calls it “rumping” -we’re -after we’re through -he’s always so sweet after- playing with my -running his hand down my stomach.  But last night he grabs a love handle and says “that’s super meaty”.  Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?!  I mean that’s a hint, right?  So like I didn’t know how to take that kind of -I mean who says that, “super meaty” -I’m a woman, not some Dinty More Beef Stew.  

I fall asleep, don’t say anything to him about it, just smile and pass out -what a wuss, right? So I have this messed up dream -I’m in a fashion show, right -Brandon is a talent scout, but he’s not my boyfriend in the dream.  And he looks at me and says “Oh yeah girl you’ve got real potential.”  All these guys in white coats strap me to a chair and suck like thirty pounds of fat out of me through some tubes, and these little umpa lumpas are spreading it on bread, and Santa Claus is there taking it to little chil- anyway Brandon is like sculpting me.  Giving all these orders, right, like “lose the upper body, enlarge the breasts, tighten up and round out the ass, fill out the legs, lose the face.”  

So there I am.  I get out of the chair and look at myself in the mirror.  I’m just a pair of legs, an ass, and two humungus breasts.  Brandon looks at me and says “perfect, she looks super meaty” and I’m really confused, I mean genuinely confused, I mean crap, where’s my head, and I start screaming “where’s my head” “what did you do with my head” “HAS ANYONE SEEN MY GODAMNED HEAD!” And I wake up screaming  “Head!” so loud that Brandon thinks I’m asking him a question and he says “Sure, I’m always down for some late night head.”  I mean, what is that, right?  

And later when I ask him if he thinks, you know, if I’m beautiful, he says; “why don’t you dye your hair like that chick Kate Upton, I bet you’d look real sexy.”  So maybe you can understand why I think men are pigs.  Cause I mean who says that shit!  None of my friends of the non-male persuasion would say that word, “Super Meaty” -what am I a hot dog.  

So don’t be so shocked Marisa - I know it’s been a long time in the coming -I know you thought I was doomed to- but I’m not -don’t you see -that frickin' testosterone douchebag pig -no, that’s not fair -it’s just some guys- that’s how they’re-  But I’m glad I figured it out.  All right, I mean if it wasn’t for him - I really feel freer more alive than I’ve ever -really, really, I’m not shitting you -I mean open the door, I’m coming out -Forget men cause from now on the only thing I’m “rumping” -NO- making love to -is, is , is….

... all right I can say it ... don’t wuss out now ...      

Marisa, I want to be your lover. ---End of Monologue---

This monologue is from the play Unbearable Hotness.

View more Female Monologues from Plays.

​View female monologues 2 Minutes and Under.

Watch a performance of "Switching Sides" monologue below.  "Switching Sides" monologue starts 1 minute 42 seconds into the video.

2 Minute Monologues

1 Minute Monologues

Female Monologues from Plays 

Male Monologues from Plays

Monologues for Teens

Monologue Genie is a free resource created by Gabriel Davis to support those seeking audition material. Monologues on this site written by Gabriel Davis are royalty free for use in audition and competition; for other uses contact [email protected]. For monologues not written by Gabriel Davis that are recommended on this site royalties may apply so be sure to contact the relevant author or their agent for permission to use their work.

Monologue Genie is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Copyright © 2022