Monologues for Women | "Namaste Bitch" by Gabriel Davis

Namaste Bitch
Monologues for women from the play Yoga Fart. 
by Gabriel Davis

Before I started practicing yoga, sis, if I found out you slept with my boyfriend …

I might have not shown up today, for you.  And left you without a maid of honor on your wedding day. But yoga teaches faithfulness.

I might have stolen your wedding dress last night and sold it on ebay.  But yoga teaches non-stealing.

I might have returned your wedding gift and got myself that Louis Vuitton clutch I’ve been eyeing.  But yoga teaches non-greed.

I might have told you I know, but I don’t care and you haven’t hurt me.
But yoga teaches truthfulness.

I might have said-
“I know you banged my boyfriend.  Now you’re going to get banged.  By my fist in your face.”
(Miming punch)
 “Bang”  
But yoga teaches non-violence.  

Instead, I’m just trying to breath … to hold this incredibly uncomfortable pose and still be here, for you, as your sister, on this sacred day in your life.

Yoga teaches that underneath everything, we are part of the same underlying ultimate essence.  And right now, I’ll admit, that essence feels pretty bitchy.   

But right now, I bow to that essence, to all of this pain, this agony - because you must feel it too, to do something like this. 

(Bowing to her sister)
Namaste Bitch.


Posted 20 Jan 2014.  From the play Yoga Fart available digitally and in print.

---

MONOLOGUES


Women's
I Ate the Divorce Papers
It's Terrible Being Nice
Serial Dater
Switching Sides
Conjugal Connections
Turkey Day
Hit and Run
Fire the Boys
Grow Up Humanity
Yoga Fart
Farting Yogi
I Meditate Wrong
Flunking Yoga
Sleepless in Sukhasana
Welcome to FLY Yoga
Naked Barbies
Ken Doll Theft
Namaste Bitch

Men's
Frightening Wonderful Thing
Killing Chuck
The Fact Checker
Honey I'm a Leprechaun
26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy
The Cheese Robber
Unhandy Man
Maddie's Dad
Grow Up Humanity