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2 Minute Monologues for Women | "Quiche isn't Sexy" by Gabriel Davis

Quiche isn't Sexy
Comedic monologues for women from the play Quiche Isn't Sexy by Gabriel Davis

Picture
Quiche isn't Sexy.  Its pretentious.  Quiche is an egg trying to be more than breakfast.  It's an omelet disguising itself as a savory pie.  It’s the perky beginning to one’s day when it should be the lusty end.

You could have made a rack of lamb, rare and wonderful.  Small bites would turn to large bites and soon we’d have the lamb bones in our hands and we’d be devouring it.  After, we’d devour each other.

Lamb is delicious and impossible not to devour … you can’t help yourself.  You try to start slow but something drives you to go faster and faster and you don’t care if you get covered in juices and flesh because you’re … well, you’re not eating a Quiche.

A Quiche is eaten in tiny, dainty bites. One does not devour a Quiche.  And by serving me a Quiche, you are telling me something.

That’s why, as sweet as this Quiche is … it’s the pretense of a romantic dinner. It’s two children kissing on the lips and exchanging promise rings. An egg is basically immature chicken.  You see?  We haven’t hatched. We’ve tried.  But neither you nor I are interested in what you’ve put on the menu.

More two minute monologues

Quiche Isn't Sexy (Female monologue about a bad first date-move)
It's Terrible Being Nice (Female monologue about getting engaged)
I Kissed Marissa (Female monologue about kissing another girl)
Breaking up with Brandon (Female monologue about getting out of a toxic relationship)
I Ate the Divorce Papers (Female monologue; a 2-minute version of this old chestnut)
Latte Factor (Female monologue about how people treat baristas) 
The Three of Us (Female monologue about convincing a fiance to let mommy move in)

26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy (Male monologue about getting a later life do-over on a failed Bar Mitzvah)
Puppy Room (Male monologue about reforming the prison system ... with puppies!)
Honey I'm a Leprechaun (Male monologue about a man's metamorphosis into leprechaun) 
Fact Checker (Male monologue about a rational fact checker falling in love, despite all the facts that say he shouldn't)

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