2 Minute Monologues for Women | "Quiche isn't Sexy" by Gabriel Davis

Quiche isn't Sexy
Comedic monologues for women from the play Quiche Isn't Sexy by Gabriel Davis

Quiche isn't Sexy.  Its pretentious.  Quiche is an egg trying to be more than breakfast.  It's an omelet disguising itself as a savory pie.  It’s the perky beginning to one’s day when it should be the lusty end.

You could have made a rack of lamb, rare and wonderful.  Small bites would turn to large bites and soon we’d have the lamb bones in our hands and we’d be devouring it.  After, we’d devour each other.

Lamb is delicious and impossible not to devour … you can’t help yourself.  You try to start slow but something drives you to go faster and faster and you don’t care if you get covered in juices and flesh because you’re … well, you’re not eating a Quiche.

A Quiche is eaten in tiny, dainty bites. One does not devour a Quiche.  And by serving me a Quiche, you are telling me something.

That’s why, as sweet as this Quiche is … it’s the pretense of a romantic dinner. It’s two children kissing on the lips and exchanging promise rings. An egg is basically immature chicken.  You see?  We haven’t hatched. We’ve tried.  But neither you nor I are interested in what you’ve put on the menu.

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MONOLOGUES


Women's
I Ate the Divorce Papers
It's Terrible Being Nice
Serial Dater
Switching Sides
Conjugal Connections
Turkey Day
Yoga Fart
Hit and Run
Fire the Boys
Grow Up Humanity


Men's
Frightening Wonderful Thing
Killing Chuck
The Fact Checker
Honey I'm a Leprechaun
26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy
The Cheese Robber
Unhandy Man
Maddie's Dad
Grow Up Humanity