Female Monologue: Save this Divorce
Comedic monologue for women by Gabriel Davis
(Monologist stands in front of her husband)
Last night, in your sleep you called out: “save this marriage!” When did you start thinking that?
Listen, as my mother says the key to a happy marriage is let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. Like she’s done with my father and step fathers.
That’s why we need to save this divorce! “Save this marriage”!!
You told me you were committed to our divorce. Are you actually considering ... giving up on it?
Don’t you dare give into those feelings that we’d be better off together. You don’t think I don’t have those feelings too? We share common values, we have great kids, we have genuine respect for each other, not to mention splitting our finances would set our retirement back a decade. We have so many good reasons to allow this marriage to stay together ... but we have to be strong here and rip it apart, right?
No matter how painful, no matter how hard, we have to show up everyday for each other and for our divorce. Because if we don’t we are definitely getting billed by that mediator either way, and because if we don’t all of this will end in marriage. Continued marriage.
And don’t tell me we should stay together for love. Remember that time I went on that business trip, how much stronger our love got? It’s true, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Just imagine how much our love could grow spending the rest of our lives apart!
Or imagine the horrifying alternative. We stay married, we end up as one of those old couples, sitting out on our porch holding hands, watching our grandkids giggling as they run through a sprinkler in the yard of a home we have fully paid off a mortgage on, and there we are, together, looking back in regret, wondering what could have been if we hadn’t given up on a perfectly good divorce that was worth saving?
Don’t we deserve to be one of those happily divorced couples? Just look at our divorced friends. Let’s face it, those are our cooler freer more happy go lucky friends. Do we really want to drift away from those people just so we don’t drift away from each other? Because you know that will happen if we stay married. We’ll just be left with our married friends who consider Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit forms of human bonding. Those are forms of human bondage!
Don’t wimp out on this. If you love me, you will divorce me.
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(Monologist stands in front of her husband)
Last night, in your sleep you called out: “save this marriage!” When did you start thinking that?
Listen, as my mother says the key to a happy marriage is let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. Like she’s done with my father and step fathers.
That’s why we need to save this divorce! “Save this marriage”!!
You told me you were committed to our divorce. Are you actually considering ... giving up on it?
Don’t you dare give into those feelings that we’d be better off together. You don’t think I don’t have those feelings too? We share common values, we have great kids, we have genuine respect for each other, not to mention splitting our finances would set our retirement back a decade. We have so many good reasons to allow this marriage to stay together ... but we have to be strong here and rip it apart, right?
No matter how painful, no matter how hard, we have to show up everyday for each other and for our divorce. Because if we don’t we are definitely getting billed by that mediator either way, and because if we don’t all of this will end in marriage. Continued marriage.
And don’t tell me we should stay together for love. Remember that time I went on that business trip, how much stronger our love got? It’s true, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Just imagine how much our love could grow spending the rest of our lives apart!
Or imagine the horrifying alternative. We stay married, we end up as one of those old couples, sitting out on our porch holding hands, watching our grandkids giggling as they run through a sprinkler in the yard of a home we have fully paid off a mortgage on, and there we are, together, looking back in regret, wondering what could have been if we hadn’t given up on a perfectly good divorce that was worth saving?
Don’t we deserve to be one of those happily divorced couples? Just look at our divorced friends. Let’s face it, those are our cooler freer more happy go lucky friends. Do we really want to drift away from those people just so we don’t drift away from each other? Because you know that will happen if we stay married. We’ll just be left with our married friends who consider Scrabble and Trivial Pursuit forms of human bonding. Those are forms of human bondage!
Don’t wimp out on this. If you love me, you will divorce me.
View more Female Monologues from Plays.
View monologues that are 2 Minutes and Under.