Find us on
Monologue Genie
  • Home
  • Monologues
    • Female Monologues
    • Male Monologues
    • 2 Minute Monologues >
      • 2 Minute Terrible Being Nice Monologue
      • 2 Minute 26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy Monologue
      • 2 Minute Monologue Latte Factor
      • 2 Minute Ate the Divorce Papers Monologue
      • 2 Minute I Kissed Marisa Monologue
      • 2 Minute Breaking Up with Brandon Monologue
      • 2 Minute Fact Checker Monologue
      • 2 Minute Honey I'm a Leprechaun Monologue
      • 2 Minute Quiche isn't Sexy Monologue
      • 2 Minute Puppy Room Monologue
      • 2 Minute Three of Us Monologue
    • 1 Minute Monologues
    • Monologues from Plays FEMALE
    • Monologues from Plays MALE
    • Monologues For Teens
    • Monologue Recommendations >
      • Monologues For Men
      • Monologues For Women
      • Comedic Monologues
    • All Monologues >
      • Ate Divorce Papers Monologue
      • Its Terrible Being Nice Monologue
      • Hit and Run Monologue
      • Serial Dater Monologue
      • Switching Sides Monologue
      • Conjugal Connections Monologue
      • Turkey Day Monologue
      • Yoga Fart Monologue
      • Fire the Boys Monologue
      • New Year's Wish
      • Namaste Bitch
      • Quiche isn't Sexy
      • The Matzah Thief Monologue
      • Un-Chatty Cathy Monologue
      • Death by Peanut Monologue
      • Deafening Applause Monologue
      • Surrender My Love Monologue
      • Space is Nicer than Here Monologue
      • 12 Years Wise
      • My Father's Blue Eyes Monologue
      • Breaking Up with Brandon Monologue
      • I Kissed Marisa Monologue
      • I'm More Man than You Monologue
      • Almost 16 Monologue
      • Flunking Yoga Monologue
      • I Meditate Wrong Monologue
      • The Farting Yogi
      • Coffee Slave Monologue
      • Miss Havisham
      • The Gratitude List
      • Secret Identity
      • Secret Identity (Extended Version)
      • Always Smiling Monologue
      • There's No Place Like Oz Monologue
      • My Tattoo
      • Art Schooled Monologue
      • Don't Blame the Muse Monologue
      • Cranky Wife Monologue
      • A Good Pudding Monologue
      • Sleepless in Sukhasana
      • Welcome to FLY Yoga
      • Naked Barbies Monologue
      • Ken Doll Theft Monologue
      • Bell Shaped Body Monologue
      • Recess Monologue
      • Supreme Leader
      • The Roadrunner Never Looks Down Monologue
      • Most Frightening Wonderful Thing Monologue
      • Killing Chuck Monologue
      • 26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy Monologue
      • Fact Checker Monologue
      • Honey, I'm a Leprechaun Monologue
      • The Cheese Robber Monologue
      • Best Lazyboy in the Galaxy Monologue
      • Nice Catch Chuck Monologue
      • White Whale of Hotness Monologue
      • Unhandy Man Monologue
      • Maddie's Dad Monologue
      • The Cheerios War Monologue
      • Grow Up Humanity Monologue
      • The Burger Addict
      • Cat Mozart Monologue
      • Road to Ruin; Paved with Kittens
      • Love Sick Monologue
      • Hungry Yuppies Monologue
      • Basketball Therapy Monologue
      • Indestructible Super Puppies Monologue
      • Good Humor Man Monologue
      • My Dad's so Uncool its Cool Monologue
      • We're All Kings Monologue
      • Saint Peter the Cheater
      • Sleeping with Sleep Monologue
      • Wife Alert Monologue
      • Pretty Lies Monologue
      • Santa Monologue
      • Secret Identity (Extended Version)
      • Teen Monologues - Pinball Eyes
      • Teen Monologues - Scared Popular
      • Teen Monologues - Not Impressed
      • Teen Monologues - Candy Girl
      • Save this Divorce
      • Mission to Prom Monologue
      • Hungry Elsa Monologue
      • 85th Asana Monologue
      • The Three of Us Monologue
      • I Hate the Divorce Papers Monologue
      • This Anomaly Monologue
      • The Metta Tater
  • More Stuff
    • Monologue Writing 101
    • Monologue Catalogue
    • Monologue Books
    • Monologue Performances
    • Magic Carpet
    • Contact

Monologues for men | "Best Lazyboy in the Galaxy" by Gabriel Davis

Best Lazyboy in the Galaxy
A dramatic male monologue from the play Dreams in Captivity
by Gabriel Davis

Picture
(Barry speaks to his wife Reina, who has been taking a class at community college about mankind someday creating cities in space.  She's upset with him, because he hasn't been supportive of her dream to work for Nasa.  Reina has applied to Nasa for employment.  A letter has just arrived back from NASA)

You don’t think I understand what you’re trying to do with this?
         (on “this” he shakes the envelope in his hand)
This big noble thing you want to do for humanity--
         (pulls envelope back as Reina grabs for it)
You think it’s way above a Techno-Hut salesman’s head?  Right?  Look, I get it because I’m a Techno-Hut salesman!  I see all this technology all day long; and I think if we can create something as amazing as a fifty-inch flat screen plasma television, just imagine what we could do if we really pooled our resources and got focused.  

I mean, why are we wasting our time fighting amongst ourselves?   That’s Robert’s whole point.  Right? RIGHT?  You know why human beings are constantly fighting instead of working together to survive?  I’ll tell you why!  

It’s the same motivation that made man invent the fifty-inch plasma TV.  Man is essentially motivated, primarily motivated to sit on his ass. You wanted me to talk about this stuff.  I’m talking about it!  Men kill for their right to sit on their ass.  I’m telling you, wars happen because every man wants the best Lazy Boy Recliner in the galaxy to relax on.  AND WE HAVE IT AT TECHNO-HUT.  

See we have this automated Lazy Boy.  This super deluxe Lazy Boy is outfitted with massagers, heating pads, a cooling unit for drinks – it’s the closest experience of comfort a man can get on earth short of climbing back through his mother’s vagina back up into her womb!  

What am I saying?  I’m saying we as a race of beings are still in our infancy.  Clinging to our collective womb.  And while we try to stay in our infancy, so we create and... perpetuate a global infancy filled with global temper tantrums.  AND THAT’S JUST THE WAY IT IS!  

We can grow up?  Not gonna happen.  It’s not that I don’t you want it to … it’s just … It’s just a dream.  It’s a dream to think we’ll get our collective ass in gear and get motivated by something besides finding more ways to sit on our ass better.   I mean, technologically speaking, we’re on the cusp of it.  We could become truly independent. Yes!?  But first we’d have to decide.  Do we want world peace and a chance at long-term perpetuation of humankind, or do we want the Lazy Boy Recliner?   

I work at the Techno-Hut.  Every year, I meet thousands of representative members of human kind.   And I know what they want.  I give them what they want.  You think that I’m cheating them out of their chance at a better life, and a better world?  Right?!  

But I … I only offer them the choice, Reina.  

(Barry hands Reina the envelope).



This monologue is from the play Dreams in Captivity, available in print and digital editions.

Get Stage Agent's guide to the play here.

2 Minute Monologues

1 Minute Monologues

Female Monologues from Plays 

Male Monologues from Plays

Monologues for Teens

Monologue Genie is a free resource created by Gabriel Davis to support those seeking audition material. Monologues on this site written by Gabriel Davis are royalty free for use in audition and competition; for other uses contact [email protected]. For monologues not written by Gabriel Davis that are recommended on this site royalties may apply so be sure to contact the relevant author or their agent for permission to use their work.

Monologue Genie is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising revenues by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Copyright © 2022