Monologues for Women | "I'm More Man than You" by Gabriel Davis
I'm More Man than You
Comedic Female Monologue from the play Unbearable Hotness
By Gabriel Davis
(Beatrice, a tomboy who goes by the nickname "Benny", is speaking to her guy friends about how she is "more man" than they are. She's always been treated as "one of the guys" until just now, when her "manliness" is being called into question)
It’s a dark day for all of us guys. Losing Marisa as an object of desire … it’s a real loss to all men pining after her everywhere. And it hurts. It really hurts. What do you mean it doesn’t hurt me too? You think I’m not suffering? Suddenly you're acting like I’m not “one of the guys” just because my full name is Bernice. Did you just say because I don’t have a “ding-dong”? You think a ding dong makes you a man? Look, I can drink you fools under the table, bench more on weights, and barbecue like nobody’s business. BBQ. I grill meats on my grill every weekend. I slather it with homemade sauce. Do they allow me to grill in the dorms? A man grills where he wants to grill. Look, boys I need you to listen, and listen good. A man doesn’t need to have all that anatomical stuff to be a man. Man-ness is about grit and maturity and toughness. I may not have a ding-dong or balls, but I’ve got more cojones than you lot put together. Now, let me show you sissies some Practical Magic. (Swings Marisa back and kisses her deep and long. Marisa's leg goes up.) That’s how a man kisses, boys! Hey Marisa, you can call me Bernice. Sorry … sorry, Jill … just had to have a moment of glory. You guys are cute together. You two. Go! Go be happy. But hey, Marisa. If anything ever changes. Call me. Unbearable Hotness is available in digital and print editions here. Guide to the play is featured on Stage Agent! |
MONOLOGUES
Women's I Ate the Divorce Papers It's Terrible Being Nice Serial Dater Switching Sides Conjugal Connections Turkey Day Yoga Fart Hit and Run Fire the Boys Grow Up Humanity New Year's Wish Quiche isn't Sexy The Matzah Thief Un-Chatty Cathy Death by Peanut Men's Frightening Wonderful Thing Killing Chuck The Fact Checker Honey I'm a Leprechaun 26 Year Old Bar Mitzvah Boy The Cheese Robber Unhandy Man Maddie's Dad Grow Up Humanity |