I tried to destroy my husband’s life. Because he started meditating. With a potato. I tried to destroy his life because I thought it was weird to meditate with a potato. And also because I was jealous of the potato.
See my husband has always meditated, but the issue in our marriage started when he was trying to get into this certain type of meditation called loving kindness meditation.
Loving kindness meditation is where you try to evoke feelings of safety and comfort and friendliness and love toward yourself and others. My husband was struggling with it and his meditation teacher asked him: what do you love most in the world?
And his answer wasn’t “my wife” it was “potatoes.”
When my husband first told me this, I asked him to please explain himself and he said:
CONTINUE READING HERE.
The "I Ate the Divorce Papers" monologue has taken on a life within the theatre community, particularly amongst young theatre people, that I could never have imagined. For some it's been a great resource, for others like an over-played pop song it haunts them and just when they think they'e escaped it, it comes back into their life. Having a little fun with that premise here with "I Hate the Divorce Papers." Enjoy! - Gabriel Davis-
(Monologist is eating at a restaurant. Perhaps on a date with a young man in financial services)
I hate the divorce papers. Please get that ketchup away. I don’t know, flag down the waiter. As a little girl I used to love ketchup. Now I can’t look at it without thinking of that monologue. You know that monologue “I Ate the Divorce Papers”? The one that basically haunts every theatre kid’s life. Some guy posted it on the internet and now no matter what monologue you’re looking for online, that’s the one you find. You could type “To Be or Not To Be” into Google and you would get back “To eat the divorce papers or not to eat the divorce papers.” Not! Please Not!
You can’t escape that monologue. I begged our theatre teacher to ban that monologue from our school and … he did! It was heaven. People started doing Moliere and Marlowe and Mamet. Williams and Wild and Wilder. Finally. But then over the summer, that theatre teacher who banned “the divorce papers” won the lottery. So he was gone. And guess what came back? That’s right everyone went right back to chewing the scenery by “eating the divorce papers” and I was so sick of it.
And then my worst nightmare happened. My boyfriend was like, “I’m going to audition for Juilliard with ‘I Ate the Divorce Papers’.” [Monologue continues here.]
New comedic monologue for teens by Gabriel Davis. Female, age range 13-18.
Synopsis: Zora is the leader of the space club. When her friend Ellie falls for Jake, Zora focuses the space club's attentions from the stars to something more terrestrial: Prom! Zora addresses Ellie. They are in a classroom used for the space club's after school meetings and the members of the space club are present. Ellie has been reluctant to go after Jake. In this monologue, Zora pledges that she and the entire space club will serve as Ellie's "mission control" on her daring mission to go to the prom with Jake.
Read the monologue here.
(Monologist stands in front of her husband)
Last night, in your sleep you called out: “save this marriage!” When did you start thinking that?
Listen, as my mother says the key to a happy marriage is let go of the past and embrace a new beginning. Like she’s done with my father and step fathers.
That’s why we need to save this divorce! “Save this marriage”!!
You told me you were committed to our divorce. Are you actually considering ... giving up on it?
Don’t you dare give into those feelings that we’d be better off together... continue reading here.
Excellent female audition piece: Nina Mansfield’s monologue “Bite Me” from the play of the same name.
She's sassy, she's powerful, she's pissed .... and she's not afraid to mace a vampire in the parking lot. And then turn the tables on that sucker ... pun intended. Turning a creature of the night into HER prisoner!
Look for monologue starting with the line “So there he is stunned from the spray..”
Find audition and competition monologues here. Peruse by category or date.