The "I Ate the Divorce Papers" monologue has taken on a life within the theatre community, particularly amongst young theatre people, that I could never have imagined. For some it's been a great resource, for others like an over-played pop song it haunts them and just when they think they'e escaped it, it comes back into their life. Having a little fun with that premise here with "I Hate the Divorce Papers." Enjoy! - Gabriel Davis-
(Monologist is eating at a restaurant. Perhaps on a date with a young man in financial services)
I hate the divorce papers. Please get that ketchup away. I don’t know, flag down the waiter. As a little girl I used to love ketchup. Now I can’t look at it without thinking of that monologue. You know that monologue “I Ate the Divorce Papers”? The one that basically haunts every theatre kid’s life. Some guy posted it on the internet and now no matter what monologue you’re looking for online, that’s the one you find. You could type “To Be or Not To Be” into Google and you would get back “To eat the divorce papers or not to eat the divorce papers.” Not! Please Not!
You can’t escape that monologue. I begged our theatre teacher to ban that monologue from our school and … he did! It was heaven. People started doing Moliere and Marlowe and Mamet. Williams and Wild and Wilder. Finally. But then over the summer, that theatre teacher who banned “the divorce papers” won the lottery. So he was gone. And guess what came back? That’s right everyone went right back to chewing the scenery by “eating the divorce papers” and I was so sick of it.
And then my worst nightmare happened. My boyfriend was like, “I’m going to audition for Juilliard with ‘I Ate the Divorce Papers’.” [Monologue continues here.]
A young writer, Annabel Swan, reached out to share this powerful, dramatic female monologue for teens: "The Waiting List."
Annabel is a gifted writer with a keen ear for dialogue that feels real and natural.
So glad she reached out! For others reading this post, if you have monologues you'd like to showcase, don't hesitate to contact me at email@example.com! I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to draw awareness to and link to great work, like Annabel's!
Synopsis of "The Waiting Room" by Annabel Swan
A girl accompanies her best friend, Lily, to the school counselors office. It takes WEEKS to get these appointments. Shameful, but true.
She can't imagine what Lily needs an appointment for. Lily is the furthest thing from troubled...
And yet, Lily has asked her to join her “for moral support.”
Never in a million years would she have suspected that Lily had been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Not Lily, not perfect, together Lily ... and yet ...
She is floored by the realization, when a counselor asks Lily if she's had "thoughts." And Lily, her dear friend who she knows through and through, looks down .... unable to meet the counselor's gaze .... nods her head ....
Lily has .... had .... thoughts.
The appointment ends. There probably will be some follow ups, but for now, the moment is over. It's back to class ... biology.
She is reeling emotionally, in shock, as she walks arm in arm with Lily.
As she walks arm in arm with Lily back to biology class as if .... as if this day were still a normal one, as if this world, her world, hasn’t been irrevocably changed by Lily's truth..
Excellent female audition piece: Nina Mansfield’s monologue “Bite Me” from the play of the same name.
She's sassy, she's powerful, she's pissed .... and she's not afraid to mace a vampire in the parking lot. And then turn the tables on that sucker ... pun intended. Turning a creature of the night into HER prisoner!
Look for monologue starting with the line “So there he is stunned from the spray..”
Find audition and competition monologues here. Peruse by category or date.