The "I Ate the Divorce Papers" monologue has taken on a life within the theatre community, particularly amongst young theatre people, that I could never have imagined. For some it's been a great resource, for others like an over-played pop song it haunts them and just when they think they'e escaped it, it comes back into their life. Having a little fun with that premise here with "I Hate the Divorce Papers." Enjoy! - Gabriel Davis-

(Monologist is eating at a restaurant. Perhaps on a date with a young man in financial services)

I hate the divorce papers. Please get that ketchup away. I don’t know, flag down the waiter. As a little girl I used to love ketchup. Now I can’t look at it without thinking of that monologue. You know that monologue “I Ate the Divorce Papers”? The one that basically haunts every theatre kid’s life. Some guy posted it on the internet and now no matter what monologue you’re looking for online, that’s the one you find. You could type “To Be or Not To Be” into Google and you would get back “To eat the divorce papers or not to eat the divorce papers.” Not! Please Not! 

You can’t escape that monologue. I begged our theatre teacher to ban that monologue from our school and … he did! It was heaven. People started doing Moliere and Marlowe and Mamet. Williams and Wild and Wilder. Finally. But then over the summer, that theatre teacher who banned “the divorce papers” won the lottery. So he was gone. And guess what came back? That’s right everyone went right back to chewing the scenery by “eating the divorce papers” and I was so sick of it.

And then my worst nightmare happened. My boyfriend was like, “I’m going to audition for Juilliard with ‘I Ate the Divorce Papers’.”  [Monologue continues here.]

New comedic monologue for teens by Gabriel Davis.  Female, age range 13-18.

Synopsis: Zora is the leader of the space club. When her friend Ellie falls for Jake, Zora focuses the space club's attentions from the stars to something more terrestrial: Prom! Zora addresses Ellie. They are in a classroom used for the space club's after school meetings and the members of the space club are present. Ellie has been reluctant to go after Jake. In this monologue, Zora pledges that she and the entire space club will serve as Ellie's "mission control" on her daring mission to go to the prom with Jake. 

Read the monologue here.

A young writer, Annabel Swan, reached out to share this powerful, dramatic female monologue for teens:  "The Waiting List."

Annabel is a gifted writer with a keen ear for dialogue that feels real and natural.

So glad she reached out! For others reading this post, if you have monologues you'd like to showcase, don't hesitate to contact me at gabriel@alumni.cmu.edu! I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to draw awareness to and link to great work, like Annabel's!

Synopsis of "The Waiting Room" by Annabel Swan

A girl accompanies her best friend, Lily, to the school counselors office. It takes WEEKS to get these appointments. Shameful, but true.

She can't imagine what Lily needs an appointment for. Lily is the furthest thing from troubled...

And yet, Lily has asked her to join her “for moral support.”

Never in a million years would she have suspected that Lily had been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Not Lily, not perfect, together Lily ... and yet ...

She is floored by the realization, when a counselor asks Lily if she's had "thoughts." And Lily, her dear friend who she knows through and through, looks down .... unable to meet the counselor's gaze .... nods her head .... 

Lily has .... had .... thoughts.

The appointment ends. There probably will be some follow ups, but for now, the moment is over. It's back to class ... biology.

She is reeling emotionally, in shock, as she walks arm in arm with Lily. 

As she walks arm in arm with Lily back to biology class as if .... as if this day were still a normal one, as if this world, her world, hasn’t been irrevocably changed by Lily's truth..

Comedic contemporary monologue for a young woman. Character is 16, named Patricia.

Patricia opens up to a boy she likes. She begins by talking about herself; how accomplished she is. She ends up going deep, talking about her mother's new boyfriend and the loss of her father. By the end, vulnerable, she asks the boy she!s sharing all this with to kiss her.

Piece gives a young woman in her teens plenty of solid comedic and dramatic beats to play. Great journey from funny (she brags about herself) to raw and vulnerable and tragic (she talks about her father's loss, seeing his ghost), to her struggle dealing with her mother having moved on, now in a new romantic relationship, and to curiosity about adult relationships and sex.

• Great hook opening "I have the highest grade point average in my class. I make my own clothes and could play the flute professionally."
• Good balancing past and present action. Recollection reveals her character while being used as a means to get close with a boy she likes.
• Healthy stakes as she's taking a risk she'll reveal who she really is and he'll reject her.
• Strong want to connect, to be kissed.
• Effectively reveals strong emotion under the surface of the storytelling. Here is a young woman who could break down and cry when she thinks about her late father. However se does not, she tells the story of seeing his ghost and how the family dog kept waiting by the door for him to arrive home from work every night. Heartbreaking stuff but she doesn't allow herself to break.

Comedic monologue, female, teen, contemporary. 1 minute monologue.

The character's name is Howdy, she's 17 and overweight.

This monologue for a young women has a clear objective for an actress: convince Mrs. Becker, who believes the monologist is without ambition, that she in fact has BIG ambitions. She's going to join the World Wrestling Federation and become " BOOGER WOMAN" who will be "the hero for all fat girls."

Per Monologue Writing 101 this monologue is notable for its:

• Strong Want - Howdy's desire to standup to Mrs. Becker jumps off the page.  A+
• Engage the Senses - the monologue is filled with visual and to a lesser extent tactile language.  A
• Hook Opening - interesting word choice plus effectively engages the audience's attention on the monologue's premise.  A-
• Button Closing - finishes strong, building energy to a climax and sticking it to Mrs. Becker.  A

Available on page 10 of "222 Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes and Under."