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The Pinkey Toe

9/11/2016

 
Comedic male monologue, age range 30's. Character Cosmo Kramer.

Monologue is from the fifth season of Seinfeld, episode 84 entitled "The Fire."

High energy, dynamic and funny. Kramer recounts the Herculean efforts he took to reunite a woman with her Pinky Toe.

The cause and effect of this monologue is awesome. Prior to the monologue Jerry has been booed during his standup act by a lady friend of Kramer's. In retaliation, Jerry goes to the office where she works and boos her. She gets upset and runs out of the office. The monologue begins by telling us what happened next.

Kramer tells Jerry and George how she was so distraught and distracted she stepped into the road and a street sweeper severed her pinkie toe. After the ambulance left, Kramer finds the toe. He packs it in ice in a Cracker Jack box and rushes to the hospital by jumping on a bus and yelling "step on it." On the bus a guy pulls a gun (probably to rob the people on the bus, but the monologue doesn't say) and Kramer has to knock him out to save the toe. In the commotion the bus driver has passed out and the bus is careening out of control. Kramer takes the wheel driving the bus. The robber wakes up and tries to attack Kramer. Kramer fends him off with one hand, while driving the bus with the other and making all the bus' usual stops! In the end, he gets to the hospital in time and his friend's toe is restored.

The high stakes situation, exaggerated action and imagery, the non-hero of Kramer in this heroic situation, the inclusion of incongruous mundane everyday elements (well if you're driving the bus of course you make all the usual stops!) makes this little monologue a mini masterpiece.

Suggest monologists performing this in audition say the lines that George and Jerry interject as if Kramer is hearing and repeating these questions back to them, since some of the questions serve as payoffs and punchlines to the humor embedded in the monologue.

The monologue is on disc 4 of the Seinfeld Season 5 DVD set in the episode entitled "The Fire."
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