(Victoria stands in front of her fiance, Greg, who is relaxing in bed. He was hoping for a laid back night in, instead he gets this)
Moving in with you is a big step. Which is why I’ve decided … to bring my mother. Hear me out.
I have dreamt about what it would be like here with you. Waking in this bed every morning bathed in your love. Gazing into your baby blues yearning for something hot: cappuccino. But who will make it? My mother. That’s who.
Would it be weird having my mom here? I mean not unless you make it weird. Its not like she’d come between us.
Like if mom comes in and we’re spooning it’s not like she’d squeeze in the middle. She’d take an end. I’m kidding. She wouldn’t sleep in our bed. She’d be on the floor holding my hand. Joking!
Mother’s not keeping me warm at night. You totally are. After mother tucks me in.
No cmon! If she were here we’d hardly notice her. She’d spend most of her time in her room making scrapbooks of my accomplishments. I’m not joking about that part. She loves her scrapbooks.
And I can just imagine the scrapbook she’d make of our wedding, which, I might add we can’t afford without a solid plan to save money. Like splitting rent three ways.
(Singing) “Just the three of us. We can make it if we try. Just the three of us. You and I .. and mother.”
[Monologue continues here.]