A mother is saddened that her son has turned out straight. Mrs. Pennington-South, tells her son how she had hoped he would turn out gay like "your cousin Vivian, with his penchant for strolling in the park after dark, and his overall lack of interest in the feminine gender." She goes over moments from his childhood that shaped the man he grew up to be and blames his father for buying him "some sort of action combat doll" which she believes contributed to his unfortunate straightness. She just feels life would have been easier for him gay.
Find the monologue on page 31 of 222 Comedy Monologues 2 Minutes and Under Volume 4. Get the one act play "Cuthbert's Last Stand" by Andrew Biss here.